If Tomorrow Starts without me.

Has really been two years? I have found myself thinking about this over the last few weeks as the event leading up to my dads passing are replayed over and over in my head. Those memories are so vivid that it seems impossible to have been two years ago. However today does mark the 2nd anniversary of my dad's passing. A day that I am likely to always remember as if it just happened. It's all still unreal and at times I feel I will open my eyes and it will all have been a dream and he is still be here with us. Making us laugh with is funny stories and recollection of his life. I am so grateful for the all of time we had together and the wonderful memories we were able to create. I know he watches over us and helps us when the road seems long and we feel that we cannot go on.

I 1st came across the following poem after my grandma passed away a few years ago. It has been on my mind these last few days as it seemed appropriate, like something my dad might want to tell us if he had that one last chance:

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

When tomorrow starts without me, And I'm not there to see;

If the sun should rise and find your eyes All filled with tears for me;

I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today,

While thinking of the many things, We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me, As much as I love you,

And each time that you think of me, I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me, Please try to understand,

That an angel came and called my name, And took me by the hand,

And said my place was ready, In heaven far above,

And that I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away, A tear fell from my eye,

For all my life, I'd always thought,I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for, So much yet to do,

It seemed almost impossible,That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays, The good ones and the bad,

I thought of all the love we shared,And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday, Just even for awhile,

I'd say goodbye and kiss you and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,That this could never be,

For emptiness and memories,Would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,I might miss come tomorrow,

I thought of you, and when I did, My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates, I felt so much at home.

When God looked down and smiled at me, From His great golden throne,

He said "This is eternity,And all I've promised you.

"Today for life on earth is past,But here it starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow, But today will always last,

And since each day's the same day there's no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful, So trusting and so true.

Though there were times you did some things, You knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven And now at last you're free.

So won't you take my hand and share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me, Don't think we're far apart,

For every time you think of me, I'm right here, in your heart.

I love you Dad so much and I hurt so much inside, I know you are free from pain and illness though so I would never wish you back here to go through all that again. I am so grateful for the many years we had together and for all that you have taught me. We are all doing as well as can be expected down here and I know you will continue to watch over us.